Keiji Mai

Went to school for my morning class today, Saturday, and met our new instructor in Statics class. He seemed good though, he had some good news spared to us but I don’t want to take everything all up coz I don’t want to be disappointed by the end of this semester. We were dismissed earlier than expected and had no place to go coz the library was closed and there there was no available internet access within the complex that time so I opted to go to Trinoma where I thought I’d get free internet access. So I went to check out BurgerKing and was disappointed, so I asked the information desk and was told to try out Mcdonalds… I was able to connect to the internet for free and ordered a drink so as not to expose parasitism for my ultimate agenda. I was able to send e-mails and so on and noticed that customers were getting many and minutes later my internet connection went to a halt. I thought someonein the staff could have done it coz customers coming in could no longer get seats and I was there, occupying a table for 4. That was not just the reason I left but I also had another class to catch which was my CAD class at 1pm. I arrived earlier to Arki and found out that the whole building was closed for some reason I don’t know, so I assumed that there were no classes going on that time onwards. I decided I wait at Bo’s coffee Katipunan while big sis had her class till 6pm. Everybody else had their chats, meetings while I had mine through the free 1-hour internet access when I bought a PHP80 coffee which looked so funny coz of its tiny sized cup, well, it was supposed to be a shot cup. I had a chat with a couple of friends while I let time pass and call it a day. I was thinking of the best food to eat but could not get up my seat coz of the side effect of “bumness” as how Crabz puts it. Tomorrow starts my rest day till Monday which I don’t really think serves it coz I’ve had enough, rather too much rest already. I guess I better think of a great way to spend it. Well that’s all for now. Till next time.

Went to UP for my morning class today, Saturday, and met our new instructor in Statics class. He seemed good though, he had some good news spared to us but I don’t want to take everything all up coz I don’t want to be disappointed by the end of this semester. We were dismissed earlier than expected and had no place to go coz the library was closed and there there was no available internet access within the complex that time so I opted to go to Trinoma where I thought I’d get free internet access. So I went to check out BurgerKing and was disappointed, so I asked the information desk and was told to try out Mcdonalds… I was able to connect to the internet for free and ordered a drink so as not to expose parasitism for my ultimate agenda. I was able to send e-mails and so on and noticed that customers were getting many and minutes later my internet connection went to a halt. I thought someone  in the staff could have done it coz customers coming in could no longer get seats and I was there, occupying a table for 4. That was not just the reason I left but I also had another class to catch which was my CAD class at 1pm. I arrived earlier to Arki and found out that the whole building was closed for some reason I don’t know, so I assumed that there were no classes going on that time onwards. I decided I wait at Bo’s coffee Katipunan while big sis had her class till 6pm. Everybody else had their chats, meetings while I had mine through the free 1-hour internet access when I bought a PHP80 coffee which looked so funny coz of its tiny sized cup, well, it was supposed to be a shot cup. I had a chat with a couple of friends while I let time pass and call it a day. I was thinking of the best food to eat but could not get up my seat coz of the side effect of “bumness” as how Crabz puts it. Tomorrow starts my rest day till Monday which I don’t really think serves it coz I’ve had enough, rather too much rest already. I guess I better think of a great way to spend it. Well that’s all for now. Till next time.

I was left with no option but to spend the summer in school so I could catch up with the normal curriculum since I’ve been having a hard time improving on my Math subjects really. On the other side, my mom was really pushing on spending the summer with them. Though it had just been over five months and I really missed sharing meals with them and having chat on the couches at home. I thought I’d still have a couple of weeks after summer class ends but regrets it still, coz two weeks would just pass by a snap. Considering the fares and the unnecessary days where everyone’s actually at work, in their offices, and I’d eventually be the chef and left with the household. So that basically meant no out-of-country this summer.

I was one of the few who stood by the campus nearly emptied with busy ants (students) and apparently filled with boy scouts along with their camps and headquarters. I also did bear with the extreme heat on all parts of UP, Commonwealth, Fairview (whichever place I pass by everyday). But hey, I did enjoy my Math class this summer, not only I just got to focus on one subject, I also got lucky with the instructor I had. She was, I must say, among the best instructors at the Institute of Math. By the way I also had classmates who came all the way from UP Baguio, Los Banos and Mindanao. Cool. Some even celebrated their birthdays in class, when we got to eat ice cream as a treat! (last summer, we were often fed with pizzas by our generous instructor)

It was in these times I actually learned and loved Math. Hahaha. I dunno. I guess it was in the way my instructor really handled us really well. Thank God I passed this class having succeeded 6 exams, (1 long exam per week).

Now, again, we are close to starting another academic year. I am feeling quite anxious coz I dunno…. But I am expecting this year will be a lot fun and fruitful. I just have to maintain a positive attitude towards it.

HAHAHA…I’m back… weird… I feel so ashamed, not after I discovered that my blog entries weren’t lost at all… but anyway, even though they weren’t lost, I still got no guts to spare in publishing new ones since I was attracted to displace my attention into “more” serious subjects (literally subjects) lately. I couldn’t believe it either that I gave way to actually spending a whole day, not once, just prepping up for my math exams this summer. Sad but true, I’m really willing to sacrifice anything it takes to pass this subj. otherwise, life would really suck… I meant as a student. I hope this laborious toil will all be worth it and finally come to an end… ***

Well, I just wanted to say I’m back again….

It was start of sembreak when I decided to pay my friends a visit at UP Los Baños. I thought I could devote one whole day for this awaited agenda but it turned out I spent half day just mere travel. Well, I woke up 8am and my body still felt heavy coz I stayed up late catching up on MYX countdown the night/hours before. But my excitement was quite dominant. I couldn’t wait to have a taste of that famous chocolate cake Rona used to tell me about! They say people all over the country go to Los Baños just for that cake.. I wonder what’s in that rumored cake… Anyway, I decided I bring a book to keep me awake inside the bus throughout the journey. That time, I was halfway done with “Tuesdays with Morrie”, but my sister insisted she bring it while she head to her interview at Starbucks (yeah ryt, she applied for a part-time job). So she suggested I bring a book by Milan Kundera, “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”. I really thought it was interesting…the truth about womanizing, and various revelations of the sort. I couldn’t help but look at the beautiful scenery the bus was passing by. I should’ve brought my headset instead… It was my first time I go to Los Baños, Laguna. The reason my mobile fone inbox was full of directions and sketch of ways to go there. Luckily I managed to reach the place, buti nlang may load. LB was somehow similar to the urban, well, not for the jammed roads, exaggerated pollution and tall buildings. People were somewhat happy with their lives there. (I’m a Manila guy, I couldn’t last for long in the rural.) There, many local products abound, likewise, many patrons–a huge contrast in the city. I boarded a jeepney to campus. The gate was a lot narrow compared to UPD. But I was totally amazed by the overview of tall anahaw trees and a prominent carabao statue mildly covered by mist, with the adorable Mt. Makiling as its backdrop, in that not-too-wide space at the entrance. As the jeepney entered, I saw the huge land mass where the university campus stood. It was nearly noon and the sun was not that harmful because of the fine temperature that is locked by the bushy mountains and forest–a cool place to spend schooldays. The highlight… I found my way to the building Rona instructed me to wait at. I couldn’t help but look at the students in clusters, org thing I guess, and likewise them staring at me… I really felt I was a new kid in the block. I headed straight to the gents to avoid the scene. I looked at myself in front of the mirror and was surprised by the way I looked. Ang haggard na pala ng itsura ko! I fixed myself and went out to look for Rona. A moment later, we saw each other in front of her room. We were ecstatic to see each other again after a long while. I sat in her Botany class for quite half hour and was dismissed. We went straight to her next class, which was the Psychology class. Hmmm. This was the start of an unforgettable day. Before the lecture started, the professor, in her 20’s, had me introduced to the whole class, which I rarely expect whenever I seat in for other’s classes. I though it ended there… I hoped it ends there. Nah! She was not through with me yet! She requested me to stand in front with her, asked me if I could speak in Tagalog and there she queried me of my presence there, in a comical manner, maybe to lighten up the class as I observed. Then, she asked me if I could sing… My aura switched to something unexplainable. I said no. “That’s great! Then, SING.” I was expecting she was kidding around. “Are you serious?” I told her. “Mukha ba akong nagbibiro?” She replied with a jest. I forced myself to sing, to get this done over with once and for all. So there…I sang Stars by Callalily… Christ’s sake! I couldn’t wait for the class to be over. I was longing to step out of the room as early as possible. I felt so ashamed of myself. My head was shrinking down my collar, figuratively. Minutes later, we got to leave the room and head straight next building for another class. There we met Beryl, who just arrived from Manila, having her Social Science class. I was hesitant at first, coz I was thinking her professor would do the same thing: To make me perform in front of class- sing, dance, and juggle, somersault…whatever! So I sat in her class and witness them have their quiz. However, her professor was good enough not to make use of me to energize the class. Thank God. Time grew fast when her (Beryl) class got over. We had to watch Rona and her group perform at her last class for that day. Afterwards, I met up my other high school classmate, Macam, just around the campus. We chatted as we went towards their dormitory, just a few walk outside the campus. Then, we went to a restaurant nearby for lunch. I had quarter-leg chicken sizzling plate and mango juice; an abomination to my crash diet meant for that day. Beryl’s group mate texted her to come over Freedom Park for their interview. Meal wasn’t quite rushed for me, coz I finished mine in a breeze. We headed back to campus and searched for her friend… it was already 6pm and the sun was sure setting. I was quite worried it was getting late for me to go back but still I haven’t seen the rest of the campus. After sometime, I decided to leave UPLB, around past 6. But surely I wasn’t leaving until I tasted that controversial chocolate cake they kept on telling me. I took a taste first, thanks to Rona, and then decided to buy a whole box for home. It was great and sinful! We went out the store and bid goodbyes. It sure was a momentous day. I boarded a bus to the city, then home. When I arrived, my sisters got up from nap and we all feasted on the cake. We were crazy about it!!! Half slice was left, but it didn’t last the next day…

Finally, first semester’s done over with… ay di pa pala, I still have to submit my final major plate in Arch1. Haaay… I thought sembreaks are “assured rest days”… I was wrong. However, school burdens are somehow lessened. Thank God. That means sufficient sleeping hours, more lutong bahay meals, and day dreaming. I have not planned any agenda for this 2 weeks but I did say to myself to work on my math subject. Gosh, I don’t think Math subjects will stop haunting me, just like what most think. I mean, I already expected harder Math in college, but I guess my self-motivation just wasn’t enough…Gahd help me…

            All my classes wrapped up just this week. But along with that was pressure in accomplishing papers, major plates, projects, and even take home final exams… did I just mention take home final exam? Yeah ryt… I was quite thankful for that one. Anyway, it was my Social Science subject. Actually, it really helped minimize tons of school works due for that week.

            Arch 2 class was great. Our final requirement was a major plate, to come up with a residential unit situated on a sloping terrain by the year 2026. I really thought it was an easy task. It was more of rough freehand sketches… I took it too lightly… Just before the deadline I realized I missed on several parts. Yeah, I crammed. Everybody does! Still, a bunch of thanks to Milenyo! Due date was moved.. Afterwards, due date still came, of course, no doubt with that… It was the day we presented our pieces, individually. Everyone was so anxious coz the professor, unfortunately for us, was not in a jovial mood. She was, I thought, expecting us to be prepared for stabbing and mind-baffling critiques and interrogations. In line with that, we were supposed to explain and defend. The room was so much intense I could cry. Seriously! (there were also boxes of Gonuts Donuts to go, it was our final meeting so my prof decided to give us a feast) My mind was not there, the fact I was also late for class from Katips for lunch. I felt suddenly cold and my hands numb. My seatmate told me I was HOT. I know I’m hot…figuratively! Hahaha! Seriously, I was starting to have fever. Then it was my turn for deliberation. I still pulled it off…I managed to discuss within 5 minutes, coz my professor gradually reduced time allotment coz it was getting late. Our class was supposed to end at 6:30pm. But it ended up nearly 7:30. My uneasy feeling never came to an end. I traveled back home in a very awkward mood. The moment I reached house, roughly 10:30 due to traffic caused by heavy rain, I felt magnetized by the bed and jumped to my relief. Then I was confirmed sick. My sister, almost asleep, got up to attend for my medication and wrapped me with three layers of blankets as we both went to bed… I let sweat drip all over me, giving me complete discomfort to my sleep. The next day, I still felt sick but a lot better than the previous one. I absented in my morning class (Creative Writing 10) and still had second thoughts of coming to school since I had a final exam lined up for that day. Oh yeah, I forced myself to school and let the day end, with me back to normal again… It’s amazing how normal behavior cures you back to normal.

My name is Ted. I was born and raised in Chicago. I just turned 26. A huge fraction of my life was like hell. I despised life. Throw the blame on the genes that configured me. Externally, I’m excessively tall, shoulders dropped. I had a cleft palate which puts a filthy response on people’s face whenever I stumbled their way. My left eye was also engorged, keeping it prone for bacteria to infest it. My upper chest was bulging due to fetal abnormality. Generally, I was a person whose life was not meant to be spent here in planet Earth.

            I was raised in an average and tolerable manner. Just like the rest, I was sustained with a decent education. I didn’t have true friends, but I did have harsh people who delighted on feasting on me, calling me names and sometimes attempted to have me expelled from school just because they say I’ve brought enough disgrace and destroyed its reputation as a university JUST for beautiful people. They insisted I transfer to a school admitting ugly people like me. I was totally alienated.

            Surprisingly, I grew immune to it. I just smiled and told them, “Hey, good one!” or “Nice try!” I preferred to focus and excel in academics, which made me mentally motivated and competitive. The only thing that keeps my parents gratified. I was still aware of the stabbing gossips though, but remained not completely caught off-guard by those evil afflicters.

            One time there was one evil person in the name of Kevin Ford. The person, who made my life ever miserable, life I would never want to live by. Apparently he was the guy girls would die for. A college varsity for soccer, wooed by the dean so that she could see him often in her office and perform pathetic conversations. Mind you, this guy can turn heads of almost everyone, but in my case, he TURNED my life into bloody hell. There was one instance when he dragged me violently right into the locker room and forced his hands in my bag, just for my assignments and thesis papers. Series of similar incidents followed. No wonder our professors were hats-off to this guy, not only by his drop-dead charm in playing but also his soaring grades which are ill-gotten concealed by his hideous and wicked schemes.

            At one point I realized I’ve already had enough of his maltreatment towards me. I was not letting this thing get any further. I couldn’t bear the toxic issue any longer. I wanted to change so badly, so bad that I was willing to risk my life for it.

            I decided I joined The Stallion, a reality based TV show that catered for depressed men, wanting to change triggered by either total breakdown due to embarrassment, or simply for aesthetic purposes. Major plastic surgery was their ultimate medium. Having watched several episodes compelled me to try my luck and join the show. I sent a letter and a personal VTR tape to go with it. Both my parents were unaware of it until I got a letter of response from the show. “You don’t have to do this dear, you are a wonderful person, you know,” my mom explained, trying to change my mind. “…your dad and I are so proud of you, you know that.” she continued. I held her palm and explained my side, “I know that, and I’m thankful for having parents like you. But I really think this procedure will make me feel more of a person…free from degradation and alienation.”

“Trust me on this, Mom…” I said with great conviction, and turned my back so that she won’t see a tear fall. “Please tell Dad I’ll be fine…” I added. I went upstairs to pack my things; next day was allotted to meet with the surgeon. Before getting to bed, I saw myself reflected on the stained glass window adjacent to the wall where my family portrait was hung. I was half anxious and half excited. I realized what and whom I was doing all this for… suddenly a fuzzy image of Kevin ford began to form upon my face on the portrait. I cleared my eyes and felt really drowsy. I fell asleep.

            The next morning during fall, I headed to San Antonio for my major surgery. I had no company except the crew who covered for my surgery. The surgery was extremely excruciating with pain. Suddenly I thought of my parents. If I could just reverse time and declined the acceptance! But it was impossible. I had to bear the pain. Therapies were also conducted. All these occurred for nine weeks of recovery. I had no access to mirrors and similar sorts.

            On the 9^th week, my surgeon observed progress. I was given relief. I couldn’t wait to get back home and share the happiness and excitement with my parents. Moment came to unveil my new look. The show brought me an additional surprise. They sent my parents over! I was ecstatic! They unveiled the mirror opposing me, removed my mask…

            I saw the huge amazement in my parents’ faces and the rest of the crew and makeover team… I looked back at the mirror…It was Kevin Ford’s face I saw.

            My parents and I went back to Chicago… still hiding my disappointment and frustration. Nevertheless, as days passed, I still retained the old Ted in me…the difference was, I got learned to be loved by many. One thing I proved: Outer shell still matters to many…=’(

It was 12:39 on a blessed Sunday noon when church doors swung open right after

the closing prayer. It was me and my family, together with some other brothers and

sisters in church having our chatting sessions as we stepped out of the church, under the

extreme heat of the sun shining harshly on our skins. Everyone could easily sympathize

with each others’ grumbling stomachs caused by the lengthy but moving Sunday Word,

leading us to decide on which place to have a sumptuous lunch and carry on with our

chat. Seafood was our calling that time, bringing us to a local restaurant, whose specialty

are fish and chips,  just walking distance away from our church. (Every Sunday is a

stress-free day for everyone, especially my parents, who get their hands-off to work and

socialize even for a fraction of their hectic week.)

Long John’s Silvers was the fast food restaurant that accepted us, almost a

barangay, into a fishermen’s wharf setting, air-conditioned, with fishing baits and anchors

framed and hung on the blue walls that gave us a feeling of escape from the hot and skin-

burning sensation outside. Just situated at the entrance was a bell, hung with a golden

rope intended for the customers to peal, as what its tag indicates, “Ring the bell, if we did

well!” Little kids, among us, advanced their way inside and raced for seats, something

my sisters and I hardly do anymore since we’re all grown-ups, unless it was

just the three of us…But it wasn’t the case.

Everyone had finally made their orders and was given number cards to be called.

Nonoy, one of the youth ministry members, got his order and made his way back to our

table when suddenly, his thirst-quenching, cold, and gulp-sized root beer slipped off the

tray he was carefully gripping. “Splash!” Fortunately no one got wet. I could easily hear

the strong fizz and see the carbon reaction all over the floor. My sisters and I stared at

each other, holding our devilish and boisterous laughter, which may be mean, if not held

up well. Finally it was my turn. I claimed my order and reminded myself to be more

careful, but luck just wasn’t present. The same incident happened again. More liquid

amounts were all over the tiled floor.  This time, my sisters didn’t hesitate to

let go of the laughter they’ve been holding for quite a while. I couldn’t do anything but

laugh as well while calling for the maintenance staff to clean up the mess I made.

            At last everyone had gotten their orders and we all ate our hearts out. In a short

while, several cheese fries were brought over our table by the waiters as it started to

accumulate though just a few ordered for it. Some of us attempted to call the attention of

the waiters, but considering the loss of two large-sized drinks, which were

quite costly, we feasted on the cheese fries. The staff of the restaurant could have been

very confused by the numerous orders of the large group of consumers we were. Still, the

munching and conversations were unstoppable.

            After filling ourselves up, one by one, we pealed the fishermen’s bell as we made

our way out of the dining place. It seemed that the staff got tired of repeating gratitude all

over and over. (the whole staff shouts “thank you ma’am,/sir!” once the bell is rung)

Five Demons
If there are God-sent watchmen regarded to as angels, there are also ones that are evil in disguise. They are often described as delicately wicked and highly destructive to mankind. The “demons” I have in mind are pickpockets, cheaters, terrorists, corrupts and the dark conscience. Pickpockets are the ones sent by demons a.k.a. masterminds. Or sometimes, they are demons by their own. Cheaters, perhaps, are evil persons who steal knowledge and eventually get credit from it. They are the ones who get in our nerves. Thirdly, are the terrorists. From the word itself, these are entirely wicked men born for national, or even global destruction. Their pastimes are putting hostage to death and humiliating innocent people in exchange for their petitions. Next in line are corrupts of society. They are responsible for the state’s inadequacy and loss. They won’t mind the marginal people as long as they get to eat 3-5 times a day and live in luxury. Finally, is the dark conscience or simply the evil nature within us. It is the whispering sound we listen to when opportunity strikes. For instance, is when you see a wallet containing quite a large amount of cash. Urged by your evil nature, you carefully take it while no one’s looking. When caught in act, this demon leaves you hanging.

Five Angels

            For Me, angels were just given emphasis during my toddler years when I was told to believe that they do exist, in invisible forms, as watchmen sent by God. I never denied it. I could still recall nights when I would speak to them, and even kiss them goodnight! Hilarious.

             Adolescence then made me realize that I could still cling onto such belief, but to be dealt in a more mature way. With a deeper understanding contributed by my religion,, angels, for me, do not just come invisibly but are disguised by people surrounding me. Two angels I’d best identify are my beloved parents. We may not be physically intact, but I wasn’t deprived of their love, concern and parental assistance through their almost-daily phone calls and frequent visits. Another two angels I have are my two elder sisters. Through them, I was given a perspective that angels, too, can be wacky and loving at the same time. And finally, I’d leave the empty slot to the angel I had ever since, and believed during childhood. The one I don’t really see, but guides me.